How it is...
Tom: Do you need me to burp her?
Molly: She needs to be burped. I was about to do it.
Tom: Lofty words for lofty ideals. But without action, they're meaningless.
Molly: I was about to do it, but I'm in the middle of something.
Tom: Yeah, I'm in the middle of something too. Called taking care of my daughter.
Molly: I have to take her picture. Her one-week picture.
Tom: Is she one-week old?
Tom: Look at that. (Pause.) This week has kind of sucked.
What's a girl got to do to get someone to follow through? --Sarah Witherwax
There are no right and wrongs in technology. --Andrew Taylor
Molly: It's 11AM.
Tom: So it's like 1AM in dog time?
Molly: That doesn't make any sense.
Tom: How does that not make sense? Bear would be sleeping by now, so it's like 1AM in dog time.
Molly: It's like June in dog time.
Tom: Isn't it spring forward, fall back?
Erika loves baked goods. She sometimes can just go for a cookie. I could never just go for a cookie. I like ice cream. I can do the funfetti cakes because they're so moist they might as well be ice cream. --Hans Sweeting
Abinadi: How is the AITP meeting?
Andrew: Great, but I feel audio.
Andrew: And audio is the new hip way to say I feel bad.
Get off the phone, stinky-Honda-lady. --Natalie Smith
My neck feels so good. I love steroids. --Natalie Smith
I keep having dreams about Allomancy. --Natalie Smith
Natalie: What if I really did have leprosy, would you break up with me?
Natalie: That's not very nice.
I can't believe I said that. I remember saying 'tentacles' then thinking, "That's exactly what I wanted to say." --Molly Wright
Tom: You didn't know the Kanye West song?
Omar: Which one?
Tom: Gold Digger.
Omar: Oh yeah, I used to cry to that song.
Sometimes... I feel like I'm wearing a toga. --Molly Wright
Molly: How do they let two people like us get married?
Tom: They didn't know. We tricked them.
Molly: We're both two-year-olds.
These are the shoes that I wear when I don't want to wear other shoes. --Molly Lewis
I need to change gears. I totally mean that for my car. --Molly Lewis
If you're a vegetarian, you can still eat chicken, because chickens are effing ugly. --Katlyn Leight
Mona: Saba, did you get some pyramid sand?
Saba: Yeah, I got some from Nour's shoes.
That's so creepy, I hate babies that laugh. --Katie Welsford
Let's have a fancy dress party in half hour, AKA pajama party. You dress in pajamas, get in bed, and we'll watch a movie. --Katie Welsford
Hey you know what I just realized Melissa? If you mumble your name, it sounds like, "Velociraptor". --Chris Marrs
What does 'serenade' mean? I know 'marinade'. --Tammam Alwan
Tom: Why are we whispering?
Haylee: 'Cause we're gossiping.
Jaehee: It can't be gossiping, because I don't feel bad.
You were supposed to pick up water and you got watermelon?!! --Katie Welsford
Lauren: I don't like your face.
Abinadi: I love hearing that from women.
I wish the KGB was still around... --Vivian Fisher
John: Uh, my shirt smells like bacon. That's disgusting.
Imogen: That could smell good, depending on what you're baking.
John: No, I said 'bacon', not 'baking'.
John: Nobody's clothes should ever smell like bacon.
Tom: I think she's pretty, and I like her as a person.
John: I think she's pretty, and I don't know her as a person.
Andrew: I'm putting my hard drive in the fridge.
Andrew: It's GOT to cool down!
Caroline: What are you doing right now?
Andrew: Listening to a love song and writing an email to Tom.
Caroline: I read that very quickly, and it came out, "I'm writing a love email to Tom."
Andrew: Well. Fine, you've got me. It's true. I'm in love with Tom.
Caroline: I knew all along.
Andrew: Don't tell anyone!
Tom: I wouldn't want to be a nun. It'd be lonely.
John: I'd do it for the hat.
Raisin cookies would be good if chocolate didn't exist. --John
Tom: Do I look funny?
Molly: I won't answer that question.
Tom: Whoever says, "I love you" first, loses the power in the relationship.
Daniel: Yeah, but you retain the power if you don't mean it.
Tom, you are living proof that just because someone's religious doesn't mean they're a good person. --John
Oh man, I'm totally selling out my beliefs for no money at all. --John
Does your religion allow you to see me in a towel? --Sarah
So I just found out that the word for 'exploit' and 'profit' mean the same thing in Arabic. --John
Tom, I just read your quote page. You make me look like a really bad person. --John
John: If I was immortal, I wouldn't be here with you guys right now.
Tom: Where would you be?
John: I don't know, playing video games.
Chris: Hey, I took care of you when you were sick!
Nour: Excuse me?! You were drunk, I took care of you!
Today... I spelled 'house' with a 'w'. --Mona Madgavkar
Guys, I just want you to know, my hair looks fantastic today. I don't know what happened, it just does. --Hannah Burgess
No, I like her too, I just think she's retarded. --John
This guy is the biggest tool I have ever seen. I don't want people to look at me and think what I'm thinking right now. --John
Oh, I got a phone call. Hopefully it's Saba or Chris, and not my stalker. Please be Saba, please be Saba, be Saba, YES!!! --Tom Wright
There is nothing in this society that makes any sense at all. I'm sorry, but I just won't get sucked in by the idea that all cultures are created equal. --Anonymous Roommate
She came with a tennis racket, and we're all playing basketball. Put that away, you're embarrassing us. --Tom Wright
She was just unbearable. Man, some people just aren't chill people at all, you know? --John
Me, personally, I can't be tolerant of intolerance. --John
Tom: I, Tom Wright, graduate from a four year university, an esteemed four year university, mind you, people know who the Longhorns are, people have heard of UT, graduate with a degree in Arabic Language and Literature, with a minor in Middle Eastern Studies, work in a third-world country T-shirt factory.
John: Did they tell you that you weren't qualified enough?
It's a terrible feeling getting hit in the face over and over again. --John
I really don't appreciate it when you try to elevate the conversation. --Liz Huntley
Real men don't get sick. Real men get RIPPED! --Michael Nevadomski
That is one of the hottest things in the world when a girl quotes Star Wars. --Tom Wright
Abinadi: What are you about, Andrew?
Andrew: I'm about fast cars, hot girls, and lots of money.
We may not agree on everything, but some things are bigger than Ernest Hemingway, and that's being a man! --Michael Nevadomski
Can I tell you something that will save you a lot of hassle in the future? I'm always right. --Laura Hawkins
You may have woken up because I just swatted a cat out from underneath your bed. Please don't tell Laura. --Tom Wright
Robert: What was cute?
Tom: The camel.
Robert: Camels aren't cute.
Katherine: Go back to sleep.
Tom: ...for us all to get sick at the same time.
Katlyn: I didn't eat some things.
Mae: I ate everything. Twice.
Emily: I used to think you were conceited, but now I know that it's just part of your act.
Tom: It's not conceit, it's that I deserve all of the praise that's lavished on me, by myself.
So I was lying there, two in the morning, listening to a dog die in Egypt. --Chris
What you need to know about camel milk is one: It smells like feet. And two: It's bitter... and sour... and salty... all at the same time. And it's supposed to be milk. --Abdirizak Hussein
And Zenat is wrong because that cat meowed "No". --Ala' Nahla
I always have nightmares that I'm pregnant on airplanes. --Zenat Chughtai
Tom: (muffled) A-ham-do-lil-la.
Mona: I can understand you with pills in your mouth. Why can't I understand Egyptians when they speak normally?
Tom: That's a huge touch screen. Can I get one of those for my house?
Katelyn: That's the coolest thing ever.
Laura: I don't understand how they can afford this but they can't afford toilet paper for the bathrooms.
Scott: Sometimes I wish I had picked Russian.
Scott: It's cold there.
It has been good. I really enjoy this class. I don't mean THIS class, but media Arabic. I really enjoy teaching media Arabic. --Mohammad Mohammad
We get a personal day, a day off that doesn't count against your grade. Everyday I wake up and think, "Today's the day." --Scott
Tom: If you weren't doing the sugar-free thing, would you eat a cupcake?
Cynthia: I would put my face in that cake.
Molly: If we're being honest, Spock still rocks Data's socks off.
Tom: Spock rocks the rock star's socks.
It looks like Gavin is losing at everything today. --Doug Ferry
Tom has a better body and I don't even like him. --Cynthia Wilson
Molly: How did you know that?
Tom: I'm very smart.
Molly: You're not that smart.
Tom: Wuss boys cry.
Natalie: I'm a girl. I'm supposed to cry. It's my divine nature.
Abinadi: Gavin, have you said the "L" word to Denny?
Gavin: Did you say the "L" word to Denny? Because if you did, you're in trouble.
You're trying to turn me on by flexing. It doesn't work. --Molly Lewis
Andrew: Maybe we should just take a nap Molly.
Molly: No, I'm too effective right now for a nap.
Tom: Can you button my top button?
Andrew: Only if you wish me a Happy Mother's Day first.
Why is the router in the trash can? Oh, because the hammer fell on it. --Andrew Taylor
Tom: You're a smart guy, you've got opinions, and I want to exploit them.
Andrew: Exploit them?
Tom: Yeah, you think these opinions come for free?
I think it’s a basic rule, women are better than men. --Andrew Taylor
Russell: You just tell people to "Go away"?
Tom: She's not people, she's only nineteen.
Tom: ...because when you're mad, your skills go away.
Russell: Unless you have mad skills.
I'm such a bad person, I mean, of course you're worse, but I'm still a bad person. --Molly Lewis
Rarely do... extra-state relationships work out. If you're extra-state, you might as well be extra-girl. --Tom Wright
Tom: She meant something different. Why do they say things that mean other things?
Russell: Because they don't know what words mean.
Abinadi: They'd be better by one.
Tom: Better by a factor of one?
Molly: I'm a good person now, so that's all that matters. But you're worse.
Audrei: You... do not match.
Tom: I do match. I'm beautiful.
Audrei: You need a girl.
Abinadi: The whole school district was shut down! Eighty thousand kids stayed home! Where was the swine flu when I was a kid?
Molly: What was around when you were a kid, the plague?
I know you know you're wrong, you just want to argue. --Molly Lewis
Stephanie: I like little brown men.
Jalaine: I like short guys.
Molly: I guess I like idiots.
When you're cool you don't have to tell people about it, they just know. --Megan McSwain
It was totally like Lady and the Tramp with the spaghetti, only with homework. --Megan McSwain
Bro. Wright: Are you glad to be home? Do you miss Utah?
Matt: Do I miss my dog? What?
Molly: Yay! I'm not a bad person anymore!
Tom: Well, you're not a bad person, but you're worse.
Molly: Stop quoting myself against me!
Tom: The girl I'm not dating now speaks Norwegian.
Siree: The girl you're not dating?
Tom: You heard me.
Siree: The one girl in the whole world that you're not dating?
Stephanie: Yeah, I know, she just wrote that on my Facebook wall.
Mama Hall: Is that kind of like doing graffiti?
Andrew: Don't tell me! I don't want to be accountable. Does that make me a bad person?
Sister Townsend: Well, you're not the first.
I'm kind of like Tom, only better. --Natalie Smith
Stephanie: I was just being polite and she is crazy.
Andrew: I don't feel the need to be polite to crazy.
There's this one bird who sounds like a very fast cricket, very ugly song, I wouldn’t mate with that bird. --Andrew Taylor
There's no workout like being on the losing team. --Hans Sweeting
Jared: Hey, I am turning red, that's exciting!
Dan: Yeah, exciting like cancer!
My name is Arron Money. If you don't know me... I feel for you. --Arron Money
Jesse Ormsby, I'm going to say this: There is nothing more appropriate or romantic than proposing to your future wife on the Quidditch field. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Andrew: I could eat beans, but I don't have any chips.
Tom: If you take me to HEB you can buy some there.
Tom: Can I tell you something?
Tom: Can I?
Tom: I like your giggle.
Kristin: I know. I know you like me.
From now on you'll have a Skype chaperone, just leave it on and I'll be watching the whole time. --David Ferrell
I didn't know it was a great date movie and Paul and I went to watch it and we were like, "This is sad..." --Dan Jones
I just realized that I have no skills, my degree is useless, and all I know is Harry Potter. What am I going to do with my life? --Melissa Jensen
Abinadi: You should give up inadequacy for Lent.
Tom: I'm giving up mediocrity for Lent.
Andrew: I'm giving up patience for Lent.
You exhaust me Tom. --Natalie Smith
My alarm clock went off this morning and I didn't know who I was. --Andrew Taylor
Tom: Do you know an ugly Latter-day Saint? The light that shines makes us all beautiful.
Amy: There are some with brighter lights than others, let's be honest.
Tom: Would you ever get mad at me and throw it away?
Shanna: No, I think that's immature.
Tom: What if I cheated on you?
Shanna: That would be impossible, seeing as how we're not dating.
Which leg are you better with? Both of mine are pretty awesome. --Kasey Wheeler
Tom: Your name is thirteen letters long. Mine is eighteen. I've got five letters on you.
Amy: Yeah, but if you add on all of my certifications...
Gavin: Did you do testing?
Andrew: Testing? For what?
Gavin: For ni.com.
Andrew: I don't work for National Instruments Gavin.
Gavin: I don't know why I thought you worked there.
Andrew: I think you're talking in your sleep. What's your girlfriend's name?
Tom: He's obviously talking in his sleep! He said that Denny's his girlfriend!
Natalie: I feel safer with you.
Natalie: Because you're scarier.
Tom: Blood Diamond, who are you going to marry?
Natalie: I don't know.
Tom: Don't give me that, who are you going to marry?
Natalie: Edgar Torres.
No, no, the Three Musketeers don't die, just because one of them finds religion, or something. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Tom: Have you told her that she's your girlfriend yet?
Gavin: I think she's aware...
Tom: We're bad people, Andrew.
Andrew: Why is that?
Tom: We are putting up another quote about disrespecting women.
Andrew: It's alright. They disrespect us all the time.
Andrew: I don't know why she left early.
Tom: Because she's crazy, Andrew. They're all crazy. All except for [her].
Andrew: No, [she's] crazy too. She's a female, so she's crazy.
Tom: Is this song off of the Cinderella Story soundtrack?
Natalie: I don't know.
Tom: I have it in my car, I should go check.
Natalie: I'm a girl and I haven't seen that movie.
Tom: I like Hillary Duff.
Shanna: This is the scene that he said reminded him of me.
Shanna: I guess it's symbolic for me needing to settle down, then I'd be happy or something.
Tom: Hmm. I know another movie we should watch, there's a scene in it that reminds me of you, and it's in the woods too.
Shanna: Really? What one?
Tom: Jurassic Park. There's this raptor attack, you see, RARGH!
Shanna: Andrew, this is Gavin's first time and he didn't fuss as much as you.
Andrew: Thanks. So you're saying I'm a girl.
Tom: No, girls don't put up a fuss like that.
Shanna: Wait, look at me.
Shanna: That's cool.
Tom: My eyes?
Shanna: They change color.
Tom: Are they green?
Shanna: Yeah, a little bit.
Tom: We better get out of here. Quick.
Shanna: I'd love to see you flip tables and attack Asians.
Church, cash, chicks = Andrew Taylor
Oh, I woo. I woo, and I woo, and then I woo, and then I'm like, whoa! --Abinadi Ayerdis
Stephanie: I'd kiss your face.
Rebekah: You would never regret it.
Andrew: They look gigantic.
Mona: Yeah, they're 2X. They were on sale, I needed pajamas.
Gavin: I'm going to taste your salad.
Tom: Eat it all!
Andrew: No, eat some, but don't eat it all.
Gavin: Okay, I'll just taste it all.
Tom: Is it close?
Melissa: Yes it's gross. All Wal-Marts are gross.
Tom: No, close, not gross.
I am smarter than I am right now. --Liza Marie Fe1ici
Abinadi: I beat you to the punch!
Andrew: You stole it from me through deceit and trickery!
Abinadi: You mean when I said, "Hey, give that to me"?
I can imagine girls getting down to this, and I like what I see in my head... --Tom Wright
Tom: Gavin, who are you to talk to me about relationships? Don't you... judge me.
Gavin: When it comes to ruining relationships...
Yeah, this kid could stand to run a couple miles. Every day. --Tom Wright
Abinadi: That was hard to make. First I had to mount the ISO, then I had to rip the ISO, then I had to encode it.
Tom: WHERE'S ANDREW? ABINADI NEEDS HIM!
Abinadi: What? He would have done the same thing.
Tom: No, I mean he would have understood what you were saying.
Abinadi: What are you talking about? You didn't understand that?
Tom: I don't speak Greek, Abinadi.
Abinadi: I think you do, Trebek.
Tom: Four ingredients that covered the hamburger taste, although if they hadn't that wouldn't have been a problem, were butter, syrup, powdered sugar, and grape jelly.
Abinadi: Ah, excellent idea.
Tom: Our pancakes are going to taste like hamburgers.
Abinadi: That's okay.
I only go to community college but I’m petty sure I just won. --Parker Ormsby
You should not sit like that. You are very vulnerable to a head attack. --Gavin Gee
Jenna: I don't like to waste water.
Tom: It's a sin to waste anything.
Liza: People should repent for wasting my time.
Tom: I'm sure I will get along quite well with this person.
Abinadi: Get out of here! Are you sure this is a girl in our ward?
Between a girlfriend and a lightsaber? There are a million fish in the sea. There is only one lightsaber. --Andrew Taylor
Would I feed bad about doing it, no. Would I feel bad if someone saw me do it, yes. --Stephanie Hall
Thank you for coming with me. You were very presentable. --Tom Wright
Haha, this is probably the best day of... the last two days. I would say my life, but that would be lying. -Natalie Smith
You are ridiculous. Maybe you should answer with that next time. "Tom, how are you?" "I am ridiculous." --Natalie Smith
The food was gross. But at least it was expensive. --Scott Gee
Tom: Crunchy cookies? Who leaves crunchy cookies for Santa?
Andrew: For reals.
Tom: They must hate Santa.
Andrew: They probably left him skim milk, too.
Tom: For reals.
No he's trying to get rid of you. Get the cat, it's Tom repellant! --Tina Peterson
Jared: Wait. You're going home from Man's Night to read Twilight?!!
Tom: It's not Twilight, it's Breaking Dawn.
Jared: You're such a pantywaist!
Jared: Your manhood is so much in question right now!
Cynthia: He started sweating, he asked me out.
Tom: He started sweating?
Cynthia: I make boys nervous.
I hate y'all so I'm not going. Also I'll be out of town, so take the excuse you're most comfortable with.
Love you bunches!!!
--Farid Mojtaba Bosak-Barani
Travis: Who would you rather go on a date with, Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox and why?
Natalie: As many as Tom would, plus one.
Jared: What is your favorite Elementary School memory?
Josiah: Michelle Ferry.
Brittany: You guys.
Brittany: You guys. Are... what's the word? So easy to manipulate.
Brittany: Don't write that down.
In Ebonics, or whatever you want to call it, African American vernacular... --Brittany Hodges
Jenna: I want to touch the baby lion. Like a lion that's a baby, you know, a small lion. Like a child lion. I want to pet it.
Egyptian Zookeeper: Oh, you mean the cub? That's not possible.
Jenna: No, it is possible. I'm an American. I have money, I want to touch the lion. Please?
Chris: I read like ten books and I'm still fuzzy.
Prof. Morgan: Well isn't that what this class is supposed to induce? A feeling of warm fuzziness?
Tom: I feel like putting on a movie, but that would just seal my doing nothing today.
Gavin: Oh man, that would be the most productive thing I've done all day!
It works so much stronger. Like all day I was smelling like manly goodness. --Kasey Wheeler
Tom: Did I tell you that or did somebody tell you that?
Kasey: No, I'm just brilliant.
I'll do you a solid, right in your face. --Bryant Moscon
It's Erika's and mine six year anniversary, so I'm going to try and get out of that to go to the Guitar Hero thing. --Hans Sweeting
Abinadi: Oh David, we're on opposite teams!
David: Yeah, we usually fail together.
People win Nobel peace prizes for disagreeing with me. --Jared Mockler
Abinadi: Here's to all The Office Girls who cleaned our kitchen!
Andrew: Hear hear!
Gavin: May they get to work!
Another thing unrelated to Activities Committee, because I made the mistake of being musically talented, the Bishop has asked the Elders Quorum to prepare a musical number for Sacrament, wait for it, next week. --Kevin Christensen
Tom: Hey, what's up?
Jeremy: Just picking up and dropping off blondes like everyone else.
Andrew, why is school kicking your butt? You need to punch it in the face. --Stephanie Hall
If I was sitting closer to you, I'd give you a high-five. Of the leaping sort. --Jared Mockler
I can pick him up. I used to baby sit him. --Vivian Fisher
Brittany: Do you want a piece of gum?
Tom: No thanks, I still have the other one you gave me.
Brittany: Tom, your breath smells like hamburgers and onions. Would you like a piece of gum?
Tom: Hey, can I tell you something? I look really good today.
Shanna: Really? Who said? A list?
I would marry each of you for different things. Well maybe not Gavin, I'm not sure what he's good for. --Stephanie Hall
Stephanie: You are not going to practice that.
Tom: Yeah, I don't know, I don't know if I'll have time this week but I might.
Stephanie: Don't take that.
Tom: I'll take them all!
Stephanie: Reverse psychology works really well on you.
Cynthia: I just think that if I was telling a story people were not interested in I would stop, but Gavin keeps going.
Gavin: I've had a lot of experience telling stories people are not interested in.
Stephanie: Tom has the grin, AA has the wink, what do you have?
Gavin: I don't need anything.
Instead of "Picnic in the Park", "Picnic in the Dark Alley". --Gavin Gee
Abinadi: Alright, I'm in, say no more!
Tom: What? Where are you going?
Abinadi: Stephanie's buying me dinner.
Tom: Tell her to give me the leftovers.
No, I'll wear tennis shoes. You always look like you're ready for a run, but you're just a little too dressed up. --Jared Mockler
Abinadi: Y'all have been arguing over nonsense for eleven years.
Andrew: What did he say?
Tom: He said, "Y'all have been arguing over nonsense for eleven years."
Andrew: And many more to come baby! Tom Tom Tom, let's be reasonable: I wouldn't have it any other way.
The best-case scenario for our relationship would be making out all of the time, and at worst we would just sit and stare at each other, which would get old really fast. --Gavin Gee
Abinadi: How is this a problem?
Gavin: He calls her before drunk people get drunk in the morning.
Tom: Let me ask you a question.
Stephanie: I think you’re attractive.
Putsh: To push a pooch. --Andrew Taylor, read by Nathan Palmer
If I was going to be you for Halloween I'd wear glasses, khakis, and a nice polo button-down shirt. Then I'd be Tom Wright. --Candace Moran
You've got to plan for everything. You don't mess around with hiccups. --Gavin Gee
Abinadi: Remember The Garbage Pail Kids?
Stephanie: Yeah, they remind me of Gavin.
Tom: My finger doesn't support weight.
Abinadi: What does it support?
Tom: Ron Paul.
Brittany: You sound just like my nephew.
Tom: Is he older than you?
Brittany: No, he's four.
In twenty years, I hope I'm just like you. --Shanna to Kristin Ferrell
Virginia: I'm going to be Tom and tilt my head.
Tom: You're so pretty when you look like me.
I need to get caught up on some stuff, a lot's changed since I've been away, and I haven't actually been away. --Gavin Gee
Andrew: Look, it just hit my lip and cut it. I'm bleeding.
Tom: Yeah, you're going to have to shave now.
Tom: 'Cause I hate your facial hair. I just hate it. It has to go.
Andrew: You did not just lick the jelly jar.
Tom: I always lick the jelly jar. Do you use the jelly jar?
Virginia: Boys are crazy, aren't they, Andrew?
Andrew: Good thing I'm a man.
Stephanie: Ah... I need a boyfriend.
Rogan: Check Craigslist.
I'm not your nanny... That was Bryant. --Candace Moran
If you wanted the highest possibility of getting married, you would do exactly what Gavin has done. It was like he sat down and made a fool-proof plan for finding a wife... and he still didn't get married. So, that's saying something. --Guy at Gavin's work
Tom: What did you do to make her blush?
Andrew: Tom. My name is Andrew Robert Taylor.
Brittany: You're so bad Tom. See, that's how you know you wrong.
Tom: Brittany, I'm a bad human being.
Brittany: I know this, but go ahead.
Edgar: So, me being a bad person, I...
Andrew: What am I doing with my life?!!
Tom: Oh Andrew, stop acting like Gavin.
Andrew: I'm thinking of crawling under a rock and dying...
Tom: Don't do that.
Andrew: ...and maybe coming back in like a week or two.
Tom: Oh, ok, do that. Don't crawl under a rock and die.
Abinadi: Mostly it's me saying, "Tell me I'm handsome."
Tom: I got told I'm handsome.
Abinadi: Who are these liars?
I'm not sure it's going to be the most rewarding study you have ever done, because studies in boredom tend to be boring. --Gwyn Morgan
I shall not want to read it, you shall not want to write it, but hey, it's a legislative requirement! --Gwyn Morgan
Tom: Does [she] know that you're a big fat cheap-skate?
Gavin: She does now!
Thank you Gavin, for coaching me through that stressful five minutes of my life. --Andrew Taylor
Holly: She was trying really hard to date him.
Tom: How does a girl try?
Holly: It's gross.
No offense to Andrew, but I kind of see him as an extension of you. --Holly Green
That's what's great! You don't need experience to not have a girlfriend! --Tom Wright
My name is not Abinadi Silvas Ayerdis! My name is not Thomas Arthur Wright! --Andrew Taylor
One day I was watching some football, and I received revelation... --Skyler Fredrickson
Virgina got a character trait from her mom: She likes public speaking. Well I got a character trait from my dad: I fall asleep in church meetings. --Skyler Fredrickson
A clear indication that Gavin doesn't like a girl is that he's actively dating her or taking her on dates. --Tom Wright
Tom: It was so much fun. Imagine all of the cool people in Austin plus two jerkstores...
Edgar: Who, you and Abinadi?
Tom: Why are we even watching this? Let's just turn it off. Let's just talk. We don't talk enough anymore.
Andrew: I think we talk too much.
Anita: How did you deal with the harassment?
Amie: Well, leaving with guys was standard procedure. Tom was the best of course. We were his sisters, his wives, whatever. He was always looking to beat someone up.
Stephanie: I mean I have to do something since I clearly can’t snag Tom Wright.
Sister Townsend: Yeah, Tom does what he can but he is only one man.
The Lord will change my water (weak-sauce efforts) into wine (God-like efforts) when I give my all. --Shon Hopkin
Shon: Should the cookies go back around?
Tom: Please don't send them to Gavin! Not to Gavin!
Andrew: Send them to Gavin!
Kristin: He'll stuff them in his backpack!
Tom: Andrew, how fun are you?
Andrew: I don't understand the question. Because I supercede fun. When fun wants to know what it is, it looks me up.
Tom: Hold on, hold on, I have to write this.
Since you all are useless and refuse to talk, you will come to class and ask each other questions. --Mohammad Mohammad
Emily: It's the same word for dogs?
Mohammad: What dog?! Tawq! We are Arabs! We don't put crap on our dogs' necks!!!
Shanna: Well, I love you.
Tom: Do you love me?
Shanna: I'm working on it.
I will tell you...EVENTUALLY. First give me three educated guesses. EDUCATED, may I remind you. --Tom Wright
Tom: Who's going to install it? I've got no hands.
Rodd: Buy someone.
She's such a good girl it's almost wrong not to date her. I fight the urge all the time. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Tom: Hey Gavin do you need anything from HEB?
Gavin: Not unless they have Barack Obama pills. He's the only one that can save me now.
The whole time I was thinking, "Can you come up with anything that I could care less about?" And then she did! --Gavin Gee
Tom: I'm kind of bummed out.
Natalie: I know.
Tom: How can you tell?
Abinadi: Well, you're drinking a weight loss shake, you have frozen fruit on your hand, and you have a big frown on your face.
Bro. Wright: So he calls out, "You boys get out here!" And we're wondering, "Gee, what could he want?" So we come out, and there was the policeman, and do you think we looked him in the eye?
Tom: You should have! You should have but you didn't because you were guilty! You should have looked him right in the eye and said, "What's going on? What's the problem here?" You need to be totally confident.
Arthur: Yeah, you need to look them in the eye, this is the time where you really want to sell, "I'm innocent".
Edgar: I don't want to knock anybody out.
Tom: If you're going to hit anyone hit Gavin.
Rodd: To do the least amount of damage?
Andrew: What's to talk about?
Tom: Well I was trying to be a grown up...
Gavin: But you've given that up.
Tom: There are more eighteen-year-old girls enrolled at the Institute this year than ever before.
Josiah: That must be tough for you, you don't know whether to date them or make them cry.
Punching a hurricane in the face is no big deal. --Parker Ormsby
So it was 3:30 in the morning and my body was like, "Hey you should go run" and I was like, "No, it's 3:30 in the morning" and that's when my body said, "I'm going to give you an adrenaline boost right now". --Aaron Burt
Tom: That song you showed me is taking storm. I love it, he loves it, Andrew hates it because I play it so much...
Gavin: Excellent. All the makings of a good song.
That hump is keeping me from all sorts of guy goodness. --Tom Wright
Sometimes you have to paint yourself into a corner before you can drag your feet through the paint. --Gavin Gee
Tom: Will those look chill?
Andrew: We'll make them look chill.
Gavin: The tiger is out of the hood.
Tom: Is [she] your motivation?
Gavin: It's a mix of things going through my mind right now, all of which are [her].
Yeah, I feel super-charged right now. If we went running right now, it'd be hazardous. To the ROTC. And embarassing. --Gavin Gee
Tom: Your "L" bomb is "like"? You're ridiculous.
Brittny: I'm not ridiculous.
Tom: That's classic ridiculous. Hold on.
Brittny: Don't quote me! Well, no one probably reads that anyway.
Brittny: Yeah that's my butt. Thanks for touching.
Andrew: Well, I didn't know if it was a pillow or not.
Tom: (laughs for a while) Can I write that down?
Andrew: Well, she scooted over, and...
Tom: I should run a kissing booth. You know, make a little extra revenue.
Brittny: Like on the street?
Abinadi: Wouldn't that be like living in sin?
Tom: It doesn't have to be making out. Like a pecking booth.
Brittny: A non-passionate kissing booth?
Tom: Andrew, Abinadi, promise me something. Promise me that if I'm ever turned into a zombie, you'll shoot me in the head, or axe me in the head. Just put me down.
Andrew: I promise.
Abinadi: I promise.
Brittny: I'll kill you if you're a zombie.
Tom: Oh that guy's enrolled?
Sister Townsend: You know him?
Tom: I used to date his sister a little bit.
Bishop Simmons: You used to date everyone's sister a little bit.
Abinadi: It should be here today, or at the latest tomorrow.
Tom: Ooh, then I can be a millionaire.
(Abinadi hands Tom the mail key, Tom declines)
Tom: I don't want to go down there.
Abinadi: One million is not enough!
You should mock people. I encourage you to mock people. Especially people with power. People on your level, your fellow students, that's just not nice. --Samer Ali
Andrew: In what scientists are calling 'pretty gay', Andrew can't get a girlfriend. A leading expert characterized the situation as 'retarded'.
Jesse: Rest assured, sir, that those at the Ormsby Institute to End Singleness will let you know as soon as we learn how to properly resolve the "final problem". Current experiments have not provided definitive results as of yet.
Tom: This is such a hot picture.
Andrew: Stop looking at that picture! There are plenty of pictures of hot girls on the internet that are actually hot in real life!
Gavin: Every time I see her she's bigger.
Tom: I've got to write this down.
Gavin: That might be from a unanimous source.
Tom: Unanimous? Unanimous? Are you serious? Did you say unanimous?
Gavin: Anonymous, it might be unanimous if someone looks through all those photos.
Abinadi: No question, you're a Tiger, not a Gorilla.
(Tom beats his chest)
Abinadi: Nice try Tiger.
Gavin: That's not an answer, those are meaningless hand gestures.
Tom: I didn't just do this, I did this.
Gavin: Okay, hand gestures and a monkey face.
Natalie: Can we listen to regular music now?
Andrew: Instead of Church music?
Edgar: Church music is regular music.
Tom: You could beat me up with Judo. You couldn't beat me up with Tae Kwan Do.
Larissa: I could beat you up with salsa dancing.
Tom: I regret...the foolish actions...that led to the demise...of our fiance-ship.
Andrew: I think the term is engagement.
Tom: You heard me.
Andrew: Why are you putting on your shoes to drain pasta?
Tom: I hate wet socks. Especially extremely hot wet socks. And our sink is really full.
Tom: I want a dog so bad.
Andrew: You want a dog?
Tom: A big dog.
Andrew: Let's get a dog!
Tom: NO! I hate dogs!
Andrew: You hate dogs! Then why do you want one?
Tom: I don't want one in here, I want one outside that will eat people.
Candace: Like a polar bear?
Tom: I wish I had ups.
Abinadi: You can touch that.
Tom: I know, but I still wish I had ups.
Abinadi: You have more ups than me.
Tom: I know, but I still wish I had ups.
Abinadi: Me too. I wish you had ups too. I think about it a lot.
Are you saying that Tom Wright is Lord Voldemort? --Melissa Jensen
I have a test in an hour and ten minutes, so... I really need to play some 9 ball. --Tom Wright
I'll date your sister. She's a Wright, it has to be right. --Jason Salas
You'll never make it through Church, I barely do, and I go to bed on time. --Tom Wright
Tom, I have never seen you not wired. You have enough energy for you and me and ten other people. --Rikki Bryant
Chisholm Trail, they are so far away, how could they be good at anything? --Jesse Ormsby
Tom, I'm not one to rub salt in wounds, but you an Air Force man just got beat by a dancer. Okay, maybe I do rub salt in wounds. --Dan Jones
Cold sucks, except for one thing - cuddling. --Tom Wright
You can see Tom leaving San Antonio two days ago and not getting back to Austin for 48 hours. --Construction Jared
One of them is going to lose fast, then the other is going to lose to me faster. --Tom Wright
Why would I pray about how big my bubble is supposed to be? --Gavin Gee
Tom, what you have is a passion for dancing. Now all you need is rhythm. --Abinadi Ayerdis
He accidently tried to kiss you? --Tom Wright
Tom: Can you live a lie?
Abinadi: Yeah, it's easy, I live several.
Elliot: Yeah, most people here think I'm Mormon.
Soccer is better, and 5/6 of the world agrees. --Mike Flournoy
So you'll date a girl, then I'll marry her as a favor to you. --Dan Jones
It's not in the suit, it's in the Abinadi. --Geoff Yano
Hey Tom, check out what I got! I'm really excited about it and maybe you could be excited with me! --Molly Lewis
You sold your sister for a soda. --Tom Wright
A Wright has to win, and that Wright is going to be me. --Jacob Matthew Wright
Be quiet with your petty continuity issues and enjoy the massive work of art that is The Fifth Element. --Eric Pope
The only thing that stands between Jesse Ormsby and true happiness is $500. --Abinadi Ayerdis
We didn't only get Cocoa Puffs for Christmas, that was just the highlight. --Gavin Gee
We don't gossip, let alone about women. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Molly: I'm going on a mission.
Abinadi: To get out of dating Tom?
Molly: Guys are dumb.
Tom: Molly, I just want you to know something. To be complete, you have to marry one of us.
Why am I in trouble? Tom hits on her and she's mad at me? Don't you remember the context of the conversation?!! --Construction Jared
Ashley: I didn't think missionaries were supposed to sing those kinds of songs.
Elder Marler: I wasn't singing, I was rapping.
Tom: I'm going to pose a question to you that I've posed to many people.
Katie: No I will not marry you.
I've since repented and I have a new... what do you call those? Oh yeah, a standard. I have a new standard. --Tom Wright
Women and men don't balance each other out. Women balance men out. --Tom Wright
When I call a woman, "a Woman", it's a compliment because it refers to everything good, lovely, and nurturing. But, when a women calls me "a Man", it's generally an insult because it usually follows me saying things like, "I could really use some red meat" or "I really wish I could blow something up". --Tom Wright
Man. It's weird how I say things and then girls feel bad. --Tom Wright
Sammy: Your room is really dirty. So, since she left, you're just going to drown yourself in trash?
Tom: Yup, that's the plan.
The missionary handbook says if you can get your investigators to attend a baptismal service, they're likely to get baptized. That's why I went to that wedding in San Diego. I'm trying to get married. --Tom Wright
When the veil is lifted and I remember the pre-mortal existence, he had better be there. Eternity goes both ways and that's a long time without Tom Wright. --Janeya Campbell
Of course I want to marry an orphan. It's the only way to go. No in-laws. --Tom Wright
That's my favorite smell in the world: Girl. --Parker Ormsby
Tom: Is that sometimes really boring?
Jesse: It's miserable.
Tom: Why are you doing this to yourself?
Jesse: I don't even know sometimes. I think it's knowing that I can comfortably support the family that I might never have.
I just want to call her up and say, "I'm bored, what are you doing tonight... let's just make out..." --Gavin Gee
I commit to several deliberately awkward moments. --Jesse Ormsby
Bob: For those of you who have been starving for a little taste of America, I have three Starbursts left. Anyone want them?
Farid: Shut up.
I lost them at my wedding. You lose stuff at your wedding 'cause someone's in charge of getting your stuff from the changing room to your car. --Brandon Wilson
I just got these, they're expensive, I didn't bring a bunch of T-shirst like you slobs. --Mark
Yeah, it was part beef, part beans, and part ex-lax. --Mark
He's got that sly Arab charm. He knows what he's doing. --Farid Moji
Tom: What's the verb for nutrition? Nutrify?
Tom: Oh, nourish.
Mark: Nutrify? Nutrify?
Tom: Is nutrify a word?
I can't frown and stick my belly out at the same time! --Mark
Tom and Mark: You learned that?
Bob: Yeah, it was the most terribly awkward thing I've ever done. So yeah, body parts, arm, leg, hand, eye, hair, cerebral cortex...
Tom and Mark: What?
Mark: Do you even use that in English?
Isn't it something that's happening right now though? Like if someone jumped out of the closet with a baseball bat you'd say, "SubHaan allah". --Bob Wright
Brittany: Today is slightly better than normal.
Tom: This is one million times better than what we eat.
Bob: So what? You could throw a handful of sand in this and it'd be better than what we eat.
That is all I can think of now, but believe me... no one... not even your mother (probably especially your mother) is as excited for you to get home as I am. --Gavin Gee
Tom: She's trying to earn back our love. She's going about it the right way. You feed a guy, and that's it. Just give me something to eat.
Amie: I know, I always feed my friends and they never go away.
You and your ideas. Now I'm all wet. --Zaahir Turfe
Tom: How are things?
Farid: Fine. How was Cairo?
Tom: Actually this time was kind of funny.
Farid: How was service?
Tom: I was late as usual, missed most of it. But they asked me to give a talk next week, so I'd better get there in time.
Farid: Oh that's good.
Tom: Yeah and I'm also giving a talk on the seventeenth when I get home.
Farid: What about?
Tom: They didn't give me a topic, but they said if I needed it I could talk about the blessings of Egypt of old, which I might talk about both times.
Farid: That's good, you can work out the kinks of your speech the first time.
Amie: Are you guys having a conversation down there?!!
Farid: Hey!!! Pay attention to what's going on up there!!!
(This exchange took place while Tom and Farid were the bases for a chicken fight in a pool)
Zaahir: That sucks.
Bob: What does?
Tom: Hitting the chest right here.
Bob: Yeah that does suck.
Tom: Did you have an older brother do that to you?
Bob: I had a dad.
Tom: Not going to lie, that tastes weird.
Brittany: What is it?
Tom: I don't know.
Farid: Then don't eat it!
Tom: I already did.
Farid: Then finish it.
Fazal: Dude, do you want to go sky diving back in Austin?
Tom: Probably not, that sounds expensive, I'd rather do it in a third-world country where there aren't any safety regulations.
That's your Jew side coming out. You know what you're paying for? Your life. --Mark
Jenna: Why do you guys get to do it and I can't?
Mark: Because Tom's...................spry. I've seen him dodge some animals.
Amie: I can hold that if you want.
Tom: Screw you.
Amie: Thank you.
Mark: How's your guys' side of the class?
Tom: A little lonelier now.
Kelli: You just moved two seats away!
But she's nosy. I told her I was going out with Aia and she asked, "Is that your friend? Is she Egyptian?" I said yes and she smacked me on the butt. I think it was a smack of approval. --Jenna Burton
Zehad: Tom are you about to kill somebody?
Tom: I'm thinking about it.
Zehad: You can think over there.
All I hear is dinosaur lion noises and creepy church music... --Liz Stein
I don't like green jello. It would never work. --Kelli Vanderlee
Adrienne: Tom don't do that!
Tatiana: That's really dangerous!
Brittany: Ya Tom, be careful!
Amie: Hey watch out!
Tom: I'm going to need (grunt) for all of you to (gasp) chill out. I've taken way more dangerous pictures than these. Missionaries in Brasil would get hit by cars and say, "Quick, get my camera!" Famous last words: This picture is going to rock.
Mohammed: ...and thanks to the security police for protecting us!
Brittany: What are you talking about, we had Tom here to protect us.
A changing room is a bathroom as long as no one ever goes in it again. --Mark
Mark: I'm going to check out at least six years after this guy.
Tom: You realize that Latter-day Saints live longer on average by six or seven years?
Mark: Not this one. 'Sir, there's an anomaly in the statistics this year... Oh that's just Tom.' You win this year by covering with meat sauce and shark diving.
Yoda is all that is man. Just look at him. --Farid
Mark: I couldn't have picked a better seat.
Zaahir: Yeah, these are good.
Mark: No, I mean between you two. It's just like every backseat of a cab ride.
This is the first time I've sat between two guys at a movie and been excited about it. --Mark
Bob: You down to wear your Ahli jersey tomorrow?
Tom: It's dirty.
Bob: How dirty?
Tom: I wore it to the zoo.
Bob. It's not dirty.
Zaahir: Ma3 shanta...
Mark: Shanta? What's with the shanta?
Zaahir: What? Did I change it?
Tom: You changed it.
My travels today have been between this bed... and the second toilet on the left. --Mark
Tom: Did the girl speak English?
Zaahir: What I said wasn't disrespectful.
Tom: What?!! Wasn't disrespectful?!!
Zaahir: I've lived in the Middle East!! These aren't English words!! They're American words!!
Girls think they need to fix you, so give them something to fix. --Mark
I would have been like that girl, except less hot and thus less likely to receive help. --Mark
Tom: Those camels are huge.
Mark: Yeah, and I was on the tallest one, too. I looked around to see which was the biggest, and it was the one Tom was getting off of, and I thought, 'Tom always chooses the best animals...'
Hehe, yeah... I always assume that no one takes chats seriously, but some people actually believe the stuff I write in this little box. --Gavin Gee
If you knew what I know about you, you would know more about yourself. --Gavin Gee
It was a competition to see who would fall asleep first, the speaker or the audience. --Gavin Gee
Gavin: Oh Jori! I've heard some stories about you.
Jori: Really? From whom?
Gavin: Oh. Well, just stories I've told myself.
Tom: Do your lights flicker?
Bob: Yeah, when you turn them on. Mine flickers so much, I turn it on, and I just know that someday someone will be sitting on my bed.
Zaahir: I need space.
Tom: Then why are you crowding me?
Zaahir: I said I need space, no one said anything about you needing space.
Man in market: My Christian wife!
Tom: What did you just say?
Man in market: My Christian wife.
Tom: She's MINE.
Man in market: Sorry, sorry.
Man in market: You are worth a million camels. And you are worth a million camels.
Amy and Brittany: (giggle)
Man in market: A million camels for you?
Tom: Are you trying to buy my women? That's 3aib man, that's 3aib. That's shame.
Mark: No, the best death for a samurai is in combat. I don't want to die in my bed. I want to die with six knives in my chest.
Tom: And I want six of my knives in their chests.
Mark: I just want to die with my finger on the button.
Mark: What? Are you alright dude?
Tom: I dropped my bag!
Tom: I'm paranoid about the floor!
Mark: Tom al-Qahir, huh?
Tom: Hey! This Qahir has qahired Brasil and now Egypt!
Mark: And this Qahir is afraid of the floor.
OK guys, so I look like a toolbox in my passport photo. --Mark
Liz: You need to drink lots of water and stay hydrated when you're sick like that, or else your body will shut down.
Tom: Maybe a shut down would be good so I could get a good restart.
Liz: Great, that's just what you need. A cardiac arrest so we can restart you with a defibulator.
Andrew: Stop eating.
Russell: You're going to ruin your appetite for other people's food!
Abinadi: The proof is in the pudding.
Gavin: And I know all about the pudding, trust me, I eat lots of pudding.
I have to convene in council with myself and think for a minute. --Mark
Tom: So Zaahir, is your name the male form of 'phenomenon'?
Adrienne: No, he's 'The Flowered One'.
Tom: De-flowered one?!!
I just want to lay down in this grass, is that inappropriate? --Bob Wright
I don't care how much they study, the girls still have a curfew. --Mark
Yeah man that's wack. If you don't google your name every now and then, you're in trouble. --Mark
I think guys who study abroad in Spain are awkward. --Mark
I win every dance. --Stephanie Hall
So Abinadi asked me last night... wait no, Abinadi was talking to himself and I answered. --Jori Nef
Gavin is my hero. He is just so, I don't know... he's just so Gavin. --Jori Nef
Every time a cat dies, an angel gets it's wings. --Gavin Gee
So, two things: 1) We have a dead cockroach on the floor and 2) I need a new girlfriend, and by that I mean a girlfriend since I don't have one already. --Gavin Gee
Laurisa: I'm serious. Will you please tell me?
Andrew: If I tell you, I would have to kill you.
Laurisa: I'm willing to take that risk. I would die happy.
Are you a photographist? --Laurisa Romriell
This alarm clock is possessed. Please give us a different one.Thank you.
It's going to be so rad being in Frankfurt for 9 hours. Well it's going to be lame after the first 3 hours. --David Jubar
Tom: It's 'cause you look so suspicious.
Tatiana: No, it's 'cause they like to search beautiful women.
Tom: You don't get lost, do you?
Brandon: I don't admit that I do.
Cara: Doesn't 'borg' mean tower?
Jenna: It boards in an hour?!!
I wish I could get surgery, and remove my stomach. --Amie Sanchez
Tom: What do I put, co-worker?
Brandon: You could put friend.
Tom: Maybe I could put friend.
Brandon: In this extreme circumstance you could.
Tom: I'm a bad person.
Andrew: We're horrible people. But you're worse.
(Jori's stomach growls)
Jori: That's the sound of righteousness. I don't hear your stomach making that sound.
I just want you to know however much you like Tom I like him more, and however much you think he likes you he likes me more. --Abinadi Ayerdis
You know how Edward likes Bella's smell? Well it's like that and I just want to augghh!! --Andrew Taylor
Gavin: That's like Gavin saying, or me writing-
Tom: Hold on, I have to write this down.
Tom: Do you sing when the words come on the screen?
Melissa: When the prophet puts words on the screen, you sing.
Tom: I'll be over in a bit.
Jori: OK, I'm going to get in the shower.
Tom: No, no, don't get in the shower, wait expectantly at the door for me.
Jori: Shut up, I'm getting in the shower.
Amigo Montoya is the name you use when you're proposing. --Gavin Gee
David Crockett's tin box and brush? He had a brush? What a sissy! --Tom Wright
Tom: OW!!! (muffled growl)
Jori: Tom, what happened?
Tom: I hit my head on the washer lid!
Jori: How is that even possible?
Tom: It came down on me!
Jori: Tom, only you. Only you.
She cut in line, but I couldn't have cared less. She said, "I'm not really going to eat anything." If I had been thinking, I would've said, "My name is Amigo Montoya. Will you marry me?" 'Cause that girl was HOT! --Gavin Gee
Jesse: So I just wanted to let you know that there are ocean catfish.
Tom: What do you want me to do with that information?
Jesse: I don't know, hold on to it, let it lift you up when you're feeling down.
Martina: I'm inviting all these people to a Mary Kay party.
Tom: Why aren't you inviting me?
Martina: Do you want to come?
Martina: It's a girl party.
Tom: I know, but I want to be invited. I want to feel liked.
Rhubarb makes me angry. --Shon Hopkin
Jori: I want that guy's hair.
Tom: I don't think we could be friends then.
Tom: Because I... don't do... ugly.
Food is a beautiful thing... and when it's free it becomes a masterpiece. --Russell Hill
Tom: Let's see, on my to-do list, facebook Jacob and Ashley, done. E-mail Adrienne.
Abinadi: Let's see, on my to-do list, I don't have one. But I will in a minute, because I will not be outdone by your to-do list.
Brosiah and Kasey came over earlier and Brosiah gave us tattoos, and Kasey made us feel inferior. --Abinadi Ayerdis
How Jori remembers it:
Jori: I'M NOT AN IDIOT!
Tom: No, you're very pretty.
How Tom remembers it: (and we trust Tom more)
Jori: Hey, I'm smart!
Tom: Yes, you're very pretty.
Tom: Trust me, someone would rather have the inconvenience and annoyance of a 2 AM phone call than to have to take the whole day off for your funeral.
Jori: Yeah, that would be really annoying.
Tom: You'd probably schedule it in the middle of the day too, really inconvenient.
Jori: I'd have it on a Friday night.
You like boys. I like boys. We have nothing in common. --Jori Nef
Tom: What color?
Nick: Blockbuster is having an awesome sale, 4 movies for $20!
Jasper: The internet is having a sale too, every movie you want for free!
Dan Jones I have one word for you but I can't say it in this building... nor can I say it in any other building because I don't know what that word is. --Stephanie Hall
If you're blah, you're bl-ored, if you're bl-ored, you're floored, if you're floored, you're out the door! --Gavin Gee, ideals on relationships
Tom: Running? Isn't that what you do?
Natalie: What do you mean? What do other people do? Running is free.
I realized I was in trouble when my button popped off these shorts months ago, and the zipper broke in my hand today. --Tom Wright
Abinadi: Dan Jones says to eat local honey.
Gavin: I say to eat local bees.
If I had to do it over again, I would do a cremation. --Lady at my neighbor's funeral
I hate tuna so much. It makes me sick just to see it. Just that canned chicken makes me sick 'cause I think of tuna. It says 'chicken' but I know it's really tuna. --Bryant Moscon
Jori: We stayed with my uncle's niece.
Tom: Uh, that would be you.
Ever since Andrew disabled my brakes I've had an entirely new appreciation for life that I just couldn't have before. --Tom Wright
Tom: Hey so Abinadi just called me and said he wants to do a kissing scene instead of just the death scenes. So basically I'll kiss someone and then kill someone in the same scene and in the same room. Want to practice?
Tom: (makes stabbing sound and motion)
Gavin: Wow I can't believe it's six o'clock already. A little dilly, a little dally, and now it's time for Sally.
Tom: Gavin do real people actually say that, or just you?
Abinadi: It's a Gavin-ism.
Gavin: I'm sure real people, other than me, have actually said that.
Tom: I have to write this, hold still Gavin.
Gavin: I like to also refer to myself as a real person, sometimes.
Take your feelings out of here. I have one feeling, and that's disgust, for feelings. --Tom Wright
Let's see how many people wrote on her wall, Gavin Gee, Tony Lewis, Lara Yu, I will not be outdone by Gavin Gee. Congratulations Megan Beck. No Gavin Gee will outdo me. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Tom: Man I hate this. I like really spiritual girls, but...
Gavin: You just can't afford one.
Tom: No, romantic cheese has it's place.
Andrew: I know, I've got nothing against the romantic cheese.
Paul: Utah's one of those things you avoid stepping in and if you do step in it you, like, try to rub it off on Nevada.
Construction Jared: I hate Nevada.
Hey do any of you when you enter a building automatically look around for entry points for velociraptors? --Paul Bryson
So I'm being newed? That sounds really weird. --Tom Wright
There is so much more to you than pretty girls. --Stephanie Hall
Having to have someone get that for you was weak sauce, but that was a strong pimp hand. --Abinadi Ayerdis
If he's on a mission, then she's extra single. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Mary, Mary. I'm not so interested in Vegas as I am in you. --Abinadi to telemarketer
I don't know why we are fishing in the first place when we had hamburger. --Josiah Schaddelee
Ouch. --12-year-old girl when Tom broke her arm
I guess you're right, we're talking about Gavin Gee. I'd pay to hold his hand, too. --Andrew Taylor
Does she have a boyfriend? Because if she does I think I'm going to pursue this. --Gavin Gee
Killing Tom would be like robbing the world of it's worst-case example. --Elliot Alford
Tom: Melissa Jensen, you are the light of my life.
Melissa: I am perfectly aware of this.
The problem with HEB is they treat you like it was a sweater shop. --Guy from Gavin's work who has made it through 24 years in the US thinking that when some one said sweat shop they were really saying sweater shop, and referring to a shop in China where they mass produce sweaters
So today at Ruth's house we were watching Animal Planet, and it was about gorillas, and all I could think about was you. --Jori Nef
You two are identical. She runs, you run. She's serious about her school work, you're serious about your school work. She plays the cello, you play...women. --Abinadi Ayerdis
He didn't engineer in solar panels. --Andrew Taylor
It was just a peck! Abinadi would call that a handshake. --Stephanie Hall
Tom: Where'd they get you from, the jerkstore?
Joslyn: Yeah, and I was the most expensive one!
Tom: Tell her that your boyfriend picked you up...
Jori: I'll just tell her Tom. I don't tell people that you're my boyfriend.
Yes I used to play this all the time. Yes, that little girl was me. --Gavin Gee
Her lips speak lies, and lies will not touch my face. --Richard White
Sorry, I gave up Mormons for Lent. --Gavin's co-worker when asked if he wanted to come to the ward picnic
Wow that soap is really strong. Is that soap or did you spray bug-killer on yourself? --Gavin Gee
My job is rated R. --Chris Marth
It was awkward from moment one. It was like talking to a homeless person who is crazy. --Andrew Taylor
I need to find a big group of people to harness the chi...and break bricks. --Josiah Schaddelee
You have pop tarts, I have spaghetti...we're friends. --Kjersti Wheeler
The more you talk, the greater chance you have of saying something stupid. --Rachel Lawson
Tom: I saw you talking it up with that girl all night.
Andrew: Yeah, it's like slow dancing except I didn't have to actually dance!
I like her, that's why I'm going to kill her! -- Kjersti Wheeler
I was watching another movie the other day where the guy's shield was cut in half and that's where I'd be like, "My blacksmith, I'm not happy with him right now." --Rachel Alger
Candace: Women are simple, Abinadi.
Tom and Andrew: WHAT?!?
You're suprisingly strong for a little brown man. --Stephanie Hall
Abinadi: You saw me flirting with her?
Stephanie: Yes, I almost vomited.
Why haven't you posted any new quotes? You're ruining my life! --Stephanie Hall
I wouldn't necessarily condemn a man for eating tuna... --Mckenna Murphey
Tom: All I know is that I feel better than Gavin looks.
Michelle: And I look better than both of you feel.
I knew it was time to change my life when I pulled up to the Taco Bell that I had been going to for years and the cashier said, "Hey man this can't be healthy for you." The next day I started going to a new Taco Bell." --My cousin on why he switched Taco Bells after being a faithful customer for so many years.
Tomás: Lauren Hill es atractiva ...
Abinadí: ¿Cómo tú?
Tomás: Sim. Com certeza.
Bryant: Look, I'm recycling at my place!
Tom: Try recycling some cows.
Bryant: I'll recycle your face if you don't watch it.
Gavin: My ex-girlfriend...
Bryant: What?! You had a girlfriend?!
Gavin: It was a long time ago.
Bryant: I thought you hated girls and relationships and...
Gavin: It was a long time ago.
Gavin: What?! Michelle was cage dancing?
Tom: I don't know how everyone isn't in love with Michelle Ferry.
Have fun on your Man's Night tonight. I'm pretty sure it will only be kind of fun because there aren't going to be any girls there and girls make everything better. Times 10.
--Misguided girl who doesn't understand the nature of the essence of man
Tom: But Gavin, you don't like people touching you.
Gavin: They're not people, it's an octupus with metal arms.
Crystal: I have scoliosis so when I bend over I get a little hump right here.
Tom: I did 210 push-ups two days ago so when I do this I have a little hump right here.
Gennelle: I ate four breakfast tacos this morning so I have a little hump right here.
Tom: You say 'wolf' like my dad, without the 'l'.
Abinadi: Woof? Yeah, the 'l' slows me down.
Kasey: Yeah, she was dancing on the bar, it was wild.
Michelle: Yeah, the cages couldn't contain us.
Stephanie: Welcome to a girl's life.
Tom: I'd like to be welcomed into a girl's life, I really would.
Jalaine: Wait, I thought you were waiting for Molly, 'cause that's what I really want.
Who's brilliant idea was it to take people during the most horrible, awkward part of their life and put them in school together so they can be horrible and awkward to each other? --Melissa Jensen
Tom: Andrew, I have something you want.
Andrew: What do you have?
Tom: I have a Twix bar.
Andrew: I'm listening.
Tom: If I had a CD, you'd have a Twix bar.
Andrew: I feel like I'm selling myself. Oh, and I hate you so much.
Tom: Want to make a bet?
Tom: Why not?
Andrew: I don't like to bet.
Andrew: Really. Not about things like this anyway.
Tom: I love to bet on other people's free agency. We should write that down.
Andrew: Have at it. I am not your mother.
Gavin: Hands? How many does he have?
Jalaine: You have never been alone with Abinadi, he has like twelve!
I don't want to go to work. Tom, don't make me go. --Andrew Taylor
Andrew: You are on my bed! Why are you on my bed?!
Tom: Do you ever sit on your mom's bed?
Tom: You lie.
Abinadi: Why is Andrew your mom?
Gavin: You think Andrew is your mom?
If you're making a scripture case, you don't want fluff, you want tough. --Gavin Gee
Oh I remember, no wait, I forgot. --Gavin Gee
Gavin: Are you attracted to guys?
Gavin: Do you breathe through your noses?
I lie to that girl so much, I don't think I've ever told her a true thing in my life. --Arthur Kendrick
You just wanted Andrew to move in so he can be your mom. --Bryant Moscon
Her foot healed, let it go! --Bryant Moscon
I keep thinking I see my mom out of the corner of my eye, but it's just Gavin. --Josiah Schaddelee
Tom: Hey do I smell like allergies?
Melissa: You smell like boy.
Tom: Is that a bad thing?
Melissa: (Sniffs) Well...
His next assignment will be to go see a therapist. --Melissa Torrente
No, Gavin, no one wants to be like instant oatmeal. --Stephanie Hall
Tom: So I said to myself, Self, you're good people. In fact, one of the best.
Abinadi: (Laughs) Ahem. Sorry. (Continues laughing)
Let me know what you guys think, but I'm not for depth perception. --Guy at Gavin's work who thinks having two eyes is overrated
Tom: Wait, The Lakehouse is yours?
Tom: How do you even exist? How do you justify your existence?
Eleven minutes of convincing. I wonder if the devil has to work this hard. --Tom Wright
You've had a hard time, I mean you have all the issues. --Melissa Torrente
Melissa: I can't remember his. Tom was perfect.
Abinadi and Gavin: Tom was perfect?
Gavin: I don't understand. I have all these issues, and Tom is perfect?
Melissa: You guys don't have any children.
Tom: We are children.
Abinadi: You'd be taking care of... us. I guess we didn't make that clear. We need a nanny.
Tom: I like your socks.
Melissa: Thanks. They are part wool and part... bunny.
Gavin: You killed a bunny to make your socks?!
If they have baggage that's obviously bad, unless it's large trunks of money, then it's good. --Gavin Gee
I guess I don't understand why you would boycott grooming. --Doug Ward
I don't know if that would bother me. Her looks do make up for lots of bad qualities. --Gavin Gee
Gavin: "Big Jerkfaces" we included after (anonymous did something anonymous).
Tom: We? Who made these topics?
Gavin: I did.
Gavin: Yeah, I did.
Originality is the art of concealing the source of your website's title: http://superman.ayerdis.com/
I wish I still had that house, now quit all your levity Tom. --Brent Markus
Originality is the art of concealing your source. --Tom Wright
Mrs. Badner: Now kids, stop with all your levity! Brent, please tell usabout your house.
Brent: So I called the house "Tony's Super Cool Marez House That Smells Good".
(laughter throughout the class)
Tom: Stop talking like we don't know what's going on Gavin.
Gavin: Oh I know what's going on. I wonder if you know what's really going on.
Tom: Think about it.
Gavin: I have been thinking about it, a lot.
Tom: You've been thinking about it? You put more stock in my love life than me. And I'm writing that down.
Gavin: You said that, I didn't.
Tom: Hold on. I'm writing.
Tom: Hold on! I'm writing it.
Tom: Gavin is crocheting himself.
Kari: I saw the bag he made for his scriptures. It smells terrible.
We're idiots, and we'll have idiot kids who will kill us through some sort of idiocy and then they'll all die because let's face it, they're idiots. --Tom Wright
If I had an ax, I could make things right. --Tom Wright
You're burning my retinas you're so hot! --Lindsey Rendon
Tom: What if it was the difference between heaven and hell?
Andrew: I'd go to hell.
Tom: You're lying. That's why you'd be in hell.
Andrew: And I'd see you sitting there on the train right next to me.
Tom: Another lie. There is no train.
Gavin: Where did you get your "Keep Austin Weird" shirt?
Tahlia: Where did you get your "Keep Austin Weird" face?
I swear I should've read yours again. It's my fault, it's my fault for trusting you not to be inept. --Tom Wright
Tom: Part of me just ate, and part of me is still hungry.
Gavin: Maybe it's the same part of you. Maybe that part needs double portions.
Gavin: Oh this makes me look like a jerkface.
Gavin: This quote Tom put on here. It makes me look like a jerkface.
Tom: Gavin stop being a baby. Now send that to me and I'll look like the jerkface.
Does she have any girl friends that are hot? 'Cause otherwise they're not invited. --Gavin Gee
She owns you. She walks in here, I never see you again. EVER. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Tom: See how easy that was, I just melted.
Abinadi: I think you're easier than most girls.
You gotta take this face
seriously. --Gavin Gee
Now that you're Elders Quorum President you'll need to show real leadership. None of this chin strap stuff. --Gavin Gee
Sometimes people stereotype me for working here, they think I'm dumb or something. When they do, I try to live up to that stereotype. --Jonathan
Tom: He had a date?
Tahlia: I don't know what he had, he's so shady.
I kill me. --Gavin Gee
And that's what we are good at, not working for it. --Gavin Gee
Tom: My sister shaved me.
Gavin: You look like an ape baby.
The quiz says I know nothing about you. But I do know enough to know that there should have been more answers like what is Tom's weakness: girls. What does Tom like getting most: married or a girlfriend? --Katie Vaughan
Jesse: What polite customer service.
Tom: I am a polite person.
Jesse: You are a polite person. To people you don't know. To people you do know, you're a bit irreverent.
Tom: Look at you! You're a polite person. Using irreverent instead of "big fat jerkface", with emphasis on the "big" and the "fat" and the "jerk" and the "face".
I just get sick of people. --Paul Bryson
Its hard to find a girl that I can stand for any amount of time - and to find a girl that can stand me... --Paul Bryson
When the couch is a rockin' don't come a blockin'! --Scott Gee
What are we doing? Here we are, the two most... well, two of the most eligible guys in the ward, and we're sitting here looking at pictures of ourselves. --Gavin Gee
Abinadi: You're the boss, apple sauce.
Scott: (muttering) Pie..cherry sky.
We can hope and pray that we will win the lottery, but the Lord won't bless us until we buy that ticket. --Isaac Hart
I saw Evan Almighty... That really opened my eyes. --Brad Taylor
Tom: Doesn't that hurt?
Bryant: I'll show you some hurt if you don't shut it.
Bryant: What? That's how I talk to (anonymous). It gets things done.
Tahlia, you're the behind... to the front-end of my tiger. --Bryant Moscon
Tom: You said you love him?!! You don't even say that to me!
Abinadi: You love him?!!
Gavin: We stopped the song?
What? Who are you guys? This isn't girly-face... look-like-a-girl month! --Gavin Gee
Just try to put a leash on these wild dogs! --Abinadi Ayerdis
You're not my girlfriend anymore! --Andrew Taylor, said to Tahlia over a losing poker hand
Ok, fine, you're right, I'm just a tiny little baby. But you hang out with me. --Jori Nef
It's like this one-way relationship you have with my wife. I don't think that's healthy. --Shon Hopkin
Steve: (swears in Tongan)
Sister Fangufangu: STEVE!
Tom: What did he say?
Sister Fangufangu: NOTHING!
Canned tastes like tin, jarred tasted like good. --Tom Wright
Tom: Because if you are sitting there then I am sitting here.
Gavin: And if you are sitting there...... then I am moving this.
Tom: The funny thing is that you bought Berry Smoothie shower gel. What was going on in your head?
Gavin: I was like berry smoothies, whoo, I like berry smoothies. And I like showers.
Tom (in his head): It probably cost him 25 cents.
Gavin: I bought this Berry Smoothie shower gel and it smells bad, and I smell like a girl.
Scott: Wait a tic, is the red stuff?!! That's mine and it smells terrible!
Uhh... he smells. --Girl walking by Scott Gee whilst he slept
Andrew: So you're going to be just as busy?
Tom: No, it's in the morning, when do I ever see you in the morning?
Andrew: All the time... eventually.
Andrew: Physics is the boss of you. And you. And you.
Abinadi: I defy physics. I defy gravity.
Bryant: If anyone defies me they get capped.
Tom: No, I'm terrible. I'm bitter, and mean, and I eat people.
Abinadi: You eat puppies, but that's it.
(The following exchange occurred at 11:09 PM)
Gavin: Uhh, so I didn't shower from last night's Bethlehem thing and I smelled like smoke still and I just thought I'll change my clothes in the morning, and I had to be at work at seven, and when I got there it just came and I smelled it bad. I think maybe in my hair.
Tom: Have you showered yet?
Well, okay, I accept your weird apology. There are some things that we can't write on the site. --Tom Wright
I thought there was an honest-to-goodness fundamental problem with her. Then I realized that the fundamental problem was with you, Gavin. --Tom Wright
Tahlia: Why do we need to go to Randall's?
Bryant: Poker doesn't play itself m'lady.
I'm a boy-toy, I'm just here for the lovin'. --Scott Gee
I'm ugly and I can do better than Pam. --Bryant Moscon
Bryant: So if your girlfriend wants to go on a date with another guy, thats ok?
You wouldn't pay 10 cents to save someone's life. And neither would Gavin. --Bryant Moscon
Oh read a book my friend!!! --Scott Gee
Where's she from, other than Lithuania? --Scott Gee
Why would she put your name in the caption? And would you like that dog? No!! --Abinadi Ayerdis
You know life is hard but it's even harder when you're dumb. --Old Man Joe
Joslyn: Wait is 'from' even a word?
Jori: Are you serious?
Joslyn: Wait F-R-U-M??
Joslyn: Oh wait, 'from', ok.
Wait is he going to be there last night? --Joslyn Nef
Tom: So we're about to be best friends.
Kari: We'll be co-workers.
Tom: Yeah, that's what I said, best friends.
Jori: He isn't that old. How old is he?
Tom: Gavin? At least in his thirties.
Jacob: Tom, what time are we getting up
Tom: 8:00. Yeah, 8:00 is a good time.
Jacob: Tom, school starts at 8.
Tom: What are you trying to say Jacob?
Rob: What if we're trying to fulfill our Priesthood responsibility to get married?
Pres. Huntsman: You have 6 days and 23 hours to get that done in the week, and if it's not getting done then, it's not gonna get done.
Abinadi: How fast do you type?
Steve: 300 words per minute.
Abinadi: So slow.
Megan: You let Gavin shave your hair?
Tom: Yeah, what's wrong with Gavin?
Megan: He's Gavin.
Tom: So what?
Megan: Look at his hair.
I just stood there with my hand bleeding and wishing that someone would laugh at me. --Megan Beck
Tom: When Abinadi told me that Jalaine was moving down here, I said, "Hmm, maybe she'll cook for us."
Gavin: Yeah, because there is no 'us' in 'microwave dinners'. We need her to put the 'us' in 'good old home cooking, for us'.
I want to kill two showers with one haircut. --Tom Wright
Maybe I have an allergy I don't know about and I'll stop eating wheat for a week and suddenly feel alive. --Omar
Hey Tom you're actually wearing pants! It's a Christmas miracle! --Bryant Moscon
Mark my words she will get her some Abinadi Ayerdis! --Abinadi Ayerdis
Look at you Gavin!! You actually like something! And you're getting into it like you have a soul!! --Tom Wright
This house is cursed! We're all cursed! Hey! Did either one of you do something to an Indian burial ground?! --Gavin Gee
You can write it down, and then you can delete it. --Scott Gee
Tom: Gavin, why is your life so hard?
Gavin: It's not hard, just pathetic.
Tom: See? Maybe there isn't such an inherent difference between guys and girls. They dance on camera, we dance on camera.
Gavin: When did we dance on camera?
Tom: I didn't tell you I was filming you.
You can't keep moping around like that. I'll give you tonight only. You can have tonight. Nobody likes a mope. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Fun is dead. She's gone. Adios. --Gavin Gee
Abinadi: Hey I heard a rumor about you.
Tom: What's that?
Abinadi: I heard that you went to Pei Wei and couldn't finish your food.
Tom: That's true.
Abinadi: I heard they gave you extra EVERYTHING.
Tom: That's true.
Abinadi: And you couldn't finish it.
Tom: I could've finished it if you were there.
Gavin: I'm always stressed because I'm an idiot.
Andrew: I think that's getting submitted to Tom's site.
Gavin: Never turn into the moron that I have become Andrew. You still have a chance at a normal life.
Andrew: And that too.
I have a confession to make: I win games. --Tahlia Holzworth
Gavin: And we were talking about things that all the Gees have in common.
Tom: Like being hilarious, and awesome, and having great hair?
Gavin: Um, no.
Jared: I had three companions my whole mission.
Tom: What did you do, serve only for a couple of months and come home early?
Jared: It was a small program. And those were the best two months of my life.
Tom: Gavin, Abinadi, you're two of my favorite people.
Gavin: You. Are two of my favorite people.
Gavin: ..where we all go on six dates a week.
Tom: I don't want to go bankrupt though.
Gavin: No it will be cheap, easy dates. We'll bankrupt them!
Gavin: ...and then I was just stressed out from there.
Tom: GAVIN! I thought you were going to tell me a happy story! What are you, the Grim Reaper?!! ... I can't even handle you anymore Gavin.
Tom: Gavin, does it still hurt here? Gavin!
Gavin: I'm just really sensitive about people touching me.
Tom: Gavin, stop being afraid of physical affection for two seconds, please!
Tom: Gavin, smell me. Do I smell bad?
Gavin: I can't smell anything.
Tom: Gavin! Would you just smell me?
Gavin: You smell fine.
Tom: Are you just saying that?
Gavin: You smell fine. I mean, you don't smell like tropical bananas or anything.
Tom: Sometimes you have to make your own funny.
Tom: There's something funny in your hair, Abinadi. And by something funny, I mean something fuzzy.
Gavin: And by something fuzzy, he means lipstick. Why was she kissing your hair?
Andrew: I'm used to being the brunt of every joke.
Tom: Whatever. You brought that on yourself.
Andrew: Exactly. I'm used to being the brunt of every joke.
Andrew: Que pasa?
Andrew: What's up? Yes? No.
Tom: Parley vous?
I almost don't want to graduate. I want to declare jihad on this whole university, I'm so frustrated. --Scott Gee
Gavin: Jalaine does HEB sell dry ice?
Jalaine: Yeah, and it doesn't cost that much.
Gavin: How much do we need to build a bomb?
Jalaine: I don't think I legally want to have knowledge of this conversation.
Abinadi: Gavin I think you need a girlfriend. And when I say you need a girlfriend, I mean I need a girlfriend.
Gavin: I couldn't agree more, with the first statement.
Abinadi: Turns out, I'm a lousy skater. Not really, but she doesn't need to know that.
Tom: I'm writing that down so I hope she doesn't read it before your date. No really I'm writing it down. No, really.
Gavin: Oh this is going to be a good picture, mostly because I'm taking it.
Tahlia: That's like, hold on, what are you? Obviously not a photographer!
Tahlia: I mean, it's the healthy thing to do.
Gavin: I mean, I talk, but I put distance. The one time I didn't put distance, that was a mess. That's why I went to China.
Tom: Gavin, I just invited somebody over, you got to do the dishes.
Tahlia: Nobody does the dishes when I come over. I do the dishes when I come over!
Tom: Yeah, I know, that's what I was trying to hint at.
There is not physical, physiological explanation for what you did. You did drugs. --Tom Wright
I've beaten you consistently on this floor, and by consistently I mean once. --Tom Wright
...like it was five years ago when you weren't old and fat. --Tom Wright
Abinadi: Nice shirt. I'll give you a gold star for that shirt.
Tom: Let me see the gold star first.
Abinadi: No, I meant like in kindergarten, a gold star for doing something good. I don't actually have a gold star on me.
I'm in defense. We do not joke about bungalow humor. --Scott Gee
Yeah, Ryan's impressive. He's like me, only genuine, and with a heart. --Scott Gee
Vivian: I've always wanted to go to Africa, it's so pretty.
Bro. McKinnon: It's been my life-long ambition never to go there.
Tom: Tell him I said good luck with the breakage.
Scott: Yeah, he'll need it. The staffers that work Thanksgiving weekend, they're from Cuba at best.
Tom: You and your third world conspiracy theories.
Scott: Maybe North Korea.
He cancelled Christmas. Don't type this, it's not worthy of being typed, it's just describing what Charles Dickens described with Ebenezer. --Scott Gee
I just know I'm going to get home and people will ask, "Where did you serve?" and I'll say, "Belo Horizonte" and they'll ask, "Where's that?" and I'll say, "Minas Gerais" and they'll ask, "Where's that?" and I'll say, "Brasil" and they'll say, "Oh, don't they speak Spanish there?". --Forrest Parker
Elliot: Yeah, I was just saying that you can count on seeing Tom during the holidays 'cause he doesn't like his family.
Tom: You can also count on Tom to park in the driveway. Crossways, so no one can leave.
Yeah, he's a balla. But she's a balla too. Save your money, and use him. --Sister Fangufangu
Alright now everybody shut your mouths and sing! --Karly Ormsby
Gavin: Gavin, remind me to never confuse you with a good person? What? When did you say that?
Tom: I thought it. When you were talking about your mom and the interview.
Gavin: Like after dates, I rarely hug.
Tom: So what do you do, shake their hand?
Gavin: Hive five, adios sucker.
I don't really hug. Maybe my parents. Occasionally. --Gavin Gee
Tom: Gavin, you're done packing?
Gavin: That's all she wrote.
Tom: So all that moaning and whining for five minutes of work?
Gavin: Well, the thing about packing is you never know if you're done. I only think I have everything but really all I have is two pairs of socks, a jacket, and two shirts.
The other night we were watching a movie and my foot accidently brushed up against Kasey and she looked at me and said, "Kjersti, you know the rules". --Kjersti Wheeler
Ugh, I feel like I just put on a tuxedo and jumped in a pig sty. So dirty, such a degraded... --Gavin Gee
Tom: It's 1:30 in the morning where Molly is, and it's already Wednesday there!! She's in the future!!
Gavin: Molly's in the future!! Ask her what stocks went up, we can make a fortune!!
Gavin, remind me to never confuse you with a good person. --Tom Wright
Tom: Gavin, I need your help.
Gavin: With what?
Tom: Picking out a color for belly dancing hip scarves.
Gavin: What? Why would you do that?
Tom: What you don't like them?
Gavin: They kind of give me the heebie-jeebies.
Tom: Gavin, let me ask you a question. Do you like...girls?
Gavin: Let me answer your question by asking you another question: Yes, I do. I couldn't think of another question.
The question is do I want to maximize my personal ugliness and the answer from a personal standpoint is of course, yes, but there might be other mitigating factors... --Rob Anderson
Clint: I've never technically read the Bible all the way through.
Tom: What? Why?
Clint: I refuse to read the Songs of Solomon.
Shon Hopkin: What? I've read them, like, maybe twenty times. I just read them last night. Nothing on TV, why don't I read the Songs of Solomon?
Tom: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving?
Peter: No, not really.
Tom: Do you celebrate the 4th of July?
Peter: No, we just sit in the dark on the 4th of July.
Tom: I asked a lady I used to work with if she celebrated the 4th of July and she said, "Of course, it's the day we got rid of you".
Peter: I don't understand why you would celebrate the day your country made it's biggest mistake is all.
Tom: I have an idea, play Beethoven's 2nd and ask Gavin if it's the 1812 Overture.
Abinadi: I did. And he said it was.
Tom: You're for real?
Tom: I mean for real?
Tom: That Gavin. He doesn't know anything.
I assume that every girl wants me. It only works 25% of the time, but that doesn't stop me from assuming it. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Jalaine: Gavin, do you want to repopulate the earth with me?
Gavin: Um, that's alright.
Jalaine: Gavin, it's a hypothetical question, you don't actually have to follow through with it.
Gavin: Um, I...don't....think...so.
Tom: She's still young and has these ideals like men are inherently good. She hasn't had any experiences to convince her otherwise yet.
Kjersti: We should give her some of those experiences.
The cheese stands alone. --Kate
Yeah, it is insincere. Do you remember when Mohammad Mohammad walked by Nader's office when we were there and Nader said, "Itfadal"? What would've happened if he had said, "OK, alright, I think I will"? --Peter
Abinadi: What is that?!!
Gavin: Is that something new?!! Is that something new?!!
Tom: I got you guys like a worm gots a fish.
So what do you do besides vegetarianism? --Gavin Gee
Tom: Have you ever entertained the idea of making out with her?
Tom: That's what he did, he entertained the idea.
Abinadi: No, he's still entertaining it.
Lindsey: I like peace and love.
Gavin: Peace and love?!! Peace and love?!! If you like peace and love. you'll love...
Lindsey: Ron Paul, I know.
Gavin: Actually I was going to say something different.
Gavin: No, I was going to say that.
Tom: Yeah so basically anything I hear that's funny I write down on my website.
Michelle: So "Sex and milk" is on there?
Tom: It is now.
Tom: Wait, if I ask her out to be my girlfriend and she says, "No", then you've profited nothing and I lose.
Bryant: I can live with that.
Yeah you can still see it written in the filth. You spelled my name wrong!! --Bryant Moscon
Tom: Wait, I thought you said you didn't like rap.
Gavin: Well every now and then a brother needs to....Well, like Golddigger, I can relate to that.
Jalaine: I thought that was going to be Ron Paul calling.
Sr. Ayerdis: Are you his sole supporter here in Texas?
Gavin: Do you know how much this tie cost? One mark, and a mark was about fifty cents then.
Michelle: Did you use a coupon Gavin?
Tahlia: And how long did you live there?
Tom: Two years.
Tahlia: Well, you...don't...know...anything
Michelle: You just have to see them to realize that they're so in love.
Tom: That's really gross.
Michelle: I know it's gross, but....
Tom: Do you think that's a good picture?
Bryant: It's ok.
Tom: Maybe because I'm measuring it against bad memories.
Abinadi: She's really not that cute.
Tom: But what's with this picture? It's so enchanting.
Bryant: It's misleading.
Tom: This is the smile I think people want to see.
Molly: Don't smile like that.
Tom: But it's my smile for you!
Dude! Whoa! Look at her! What are some of her movies? 'Cause we need to get them. --Tom Wright
I need to move in quickly.... I mean, I love me some Scott.... but I love me some me better. --Andrew Taylor
Scott is a different person when she's around. He's way more cool. --Abinadi Ayerdis
I'm not trying to tell you to eavesdrop. Just in general, do you see him rubbing a banana
on his face? --Abinadi Ayerdis
Abinadi: So are you going to eat all of my bread?
Scott: Is this your bread? Well, then, yeah.
Abinadi: You're welcome to it.
Scott: I thought this was church bread.
Abinadi: Yeah so you've been missing a lot. Tahlia hangs out here a lot, and we're all trying to marry her.
Gavin: (weird sound)
Tom: Gavin? What does that mean?
Tom: Talk Gavin or it's the pillow.
Gavin: I mean, I might have a date with Tahlia in ten minutes.
Abinadi: Ten minutes? That's what the pants are for!!
Jalaine: I knew it!!!
As funny as this idea is, and as much as it would work if you weren't stupid... --Tom Wright
Tom: Gavin. Two questions.
Gavin: Abinadi. Why did I just call you Abinadi? Two answers.
Gavin: I think I see the problem. Why are you wearing a baby-blue sweater?
Tom: WHAT? How is that a problem? I've gotten tons of compliments on it today.
Gavin: That sweater is just not Tom. It says anything but Tom. But the shorts say Tom.
Stephanie? Yeah, Tom wants to go to bed soon and so he's wondering when Abinadi will be home... --Jalaine Riggs
Tom: Is this an English film?
Tom: Are you lying to me Gavin?!!
Shon Hopkin: He'll play when his back doesn't hurt.
Tom: When is that? His back has been out for years.
Shon Hopkin: No, it goes in and out, based on whether or not he thinks he'll win or lose.
Tom: It was my first time playing racquetball and I hit the ball right into her eye.
Peter: Well, that's progress.
Tom: Always a bright side, always a silver lining.
Peter: You learned something and you can still see.
You're a dirty, dirty dog. I see you've staked out the prime real estate. --Scott Gee
Abinadi: I think we need a new word besides "Gavin".
Scott: When it gets to the point where Gavin walks in and calls us "Gavin".
I'm going to donate five dollars. Gavin, where's your credit card? --Scott Gee
Let's put some essen in this fressen. -- Gavin Gee
I'm about to defend you if you'll shut up for a minute! --Jalaine Riggs
Jalaine: What was the other list?
Gavin: I don't know.
Jalaine: Gavin I'll kiss you if you don't tell me.
Gavin: I'm trying to remember, I'm trying to remember!!!
I say I'm trying to lose weight, but let's be honest. --Gavin Gee
Scott: What time do you have to be at work?
Gavin: At least at three.
Tom: Three PM? Are you serious?
Gavin: Well I should probably get there before that.
Jalaine: It is so hard to be Gavin.
It's like $3. I know that's like $3.50 twenty years from now, but you should suck it up for the change. --Jalaine Riggs
Scott: I mean, the closest connection I have with this guy is when he friended me on Facebook and I declined.
Tom: You declined?
Scott: Yeah, I mean, I saw that face, what else would you have done, besides accept? I mean, honestly?
Tom: Hey you guys got a new light bulb!!
Tom: In your room.
Scott: Oh yeah, I splurged. And that's giving Gavin too much credit, this 'you guys' stuff.
Humans are the most important creatures on the Earth next to aardvarks and if that's the case how can she hate everyone? --Scott Gee
Abinadi: You're afraid of worms.
Tom: I'm not afraid of worms. Worms are gross.
Abinadi: It's ok to be afraid of worms.
Tom: I'm not afraid of worms. They're gross.
Abinadi: There's no shame in being afraid of worms.
Tom: Like I said...
Abinadi: Ok, there's a little shame. Actually there's a lot of shame.
...the level of idiocy is unparalleled, and which can only be found on Google images under the search word 'weasel'. --Scott Gee
Tom: She's still young and has these ideals, like men are inherently good.
Abinadi: So you think men are inherently evil?
Tom: See that guy over there?
Abinadi: That guy?
I respect Pancho Villa more than any other political figure in the world. I mean, he fought America, and the U.S., and the rest of the world, single-handedly, right? --Scott Gee
Tom: Yeah and he looks like a weasel.
Scott: It's all on Google images. His closest family, his closest biological descendants are burrowed underground right now. He'll have a hard life, and he has, so all I can say is, "Bite me".
Ryan Gee: Fifth prize goes to...Dallin H. Oaks!! Is that his name?
Disembodied Voice: We're not done!!
Abinadi: You don't know his name?
Abinadi: Hey Jalaine, do you have a spare Urim and Thummim I can borrow?
Abinadi: Unbelievable. Read this line for me.
Jalaine: The owls, well I'm not anal.
Abinadi: Just translate that one word.
Jalaine: Elves? Owls?
Abinadi: Elves? You can see here that it gets condensed and then it stretches out, so she was obviously at sea when she wrote this.
Jalaine: Or a chimp taught her to write.
Scott: This guy's a little weasel. I mean, no offense, he's a weasel.
Tom: I have to write this.
Scott: This doesn't need to be written.
Tom: No one will ever know who you're talking about.
Scott: I mean, he's a little turd. A weasel. No offense though.
Why do we care what kind of dates you went on? I've been on dates ten times cooler when I was fourteen!! --Scott Gee
Hey Gavin!! I'm going to HEB if you want to drive!! --Scott Gee
When Jalaine called it was nine o'clock and my first thought was that if she had called two minutes later it would be free, and my second thought was... --Gavin Gee
Tom: What you don't want a wife right now?
Gavin: Um, next week?
So it's not a practical joke, it's a practical jihad that you pull on someone? --Scott Gee
Tom: I think people go to my site just to stare at it.
Abinadi: People go to your site to laugh.
Scott: I'm here searching for a delete mechanism.
Gavin: You look like you have something to say.
Abinadi: I'm waiting for you to say something interesting and profound, like, "I'm totally going to marry Tahlia."
Tom: I'm going to write this down.
Gavin: I feel silly wearing these silly pants.
Tom: Why are they silly?
Gavin: Because they are pants.
I forgot! This website is so incriminating! If I ever run for office, I won't. --Scott Gee
I'm loving this free water thing. You got your pre, your mid, your after, and your mid-after flush. I mean, if it wasn't free, I'd probably be crapping off the balcony. --Scott Gee
What are you talking about joint-effort?! Forks number 2 through 4 would've never made it to the dishwasher! --Scott Gee
Abinadi's getting a little soft. He's getting a little roach-friendly. He needs to suck up that exoskeleton and step on it. --Scott Gee
Scott, this time Gavin and I had a joint-effort and Tahlia ended up cleaning up our place. What did you do again today? --Tom Wright
(While cleaning out our fridge) There's so much cheese in here. --Tahlia Holzworth
Tom: Yeah, that light is bad, and so is the one in their room and they've been living in the dark for the past three weeks.
Scott: Not true! By the light of my cell phone I've been guided!
Everyone benefits...except Tahlia. --Scott Gee
Gavin: I thought that it was a movie.
Abinadi: That's where you were sadly mistaken.
Gavin: And then you told me that it was a movie. Jerkfaces.
Gavin: She's on top of you looking at the camera.
Tom: Tell me how that's weird Gavin.
Scott: Not to be the ignorant American here, but do you guys celebrate Christmas in Australia?
Tahlia: Are you being serious?
Scott: Well, I mean, do you celebrate Easter?
Gavin: Why do I even need this?
Bro. Dimmick: 'Cause you need to get connected bro.
Well, since we don't have families, I want everyone to close your eyes and imagine your future family. Everyone close your eyes. Alright, now open your eyes. Now we're going to start with Construction Jared in the back row and we'll go across and we'll all say who are wives are. Go ahead, Jared. --Andrew Taylor
Tom: So is this a date or not?
Molly: No, it's not a date.
Jesse: No date means no good-night kiss.
Molly: That's bullcrap.
Molly's Mom: Molly, are you plucking that boy's eyebrows?
Molly: No, I'm removing stray hairs from his forehead.
Scott: He hates her forever now.
Tom: He's over it.
Scott: He should hate her though.
She's a tease. I think she's just abusing you for the extra wall-post. --Scott Gee
Diet lemonade?!! That's like diet baseball, or diet America!! --Bryant Moscon
Steve, you broke the fun! --Jalaine Riggs
Girls can't beat me. --Gavin Gee
I mean, let's be realistic. People love Trump. People love getting fired. They hate their jobs. And I'm going to take care of that. --Scott Gee
I love that these are your thoughts while you're at Friday Forum. We've got President Packer up there speaking, and this is what's going through your head. --Scott Gee
Scott: I mean, when the going gets tough, and the kitchen needs to be cleaned...
Tom: Yeah like when you have carrot skins in the sink...
Scott: From two weeks ago...
Tom: I'm not cleaning that up.
Scott: Man, Kasey needs to pick up her fair share of the workload around here.
Tom: Do you want me to write that? 'Cause she'll read it.
Scott: It just needs to happen, regardless, she just needs to pick up her fair share of the load.
Do you know how many cows it takes to make a book with leather pages? Like 40 cows. That's a lot of moo. --Samer Ali
Scott: What's her number?
Tom: I don't have it.
Scott: I don't blame you.
If she's hot, we won't need much Photoshop. --Scott Gee
I'll nip this problem in the bud by letting it work itself out. --Tom Wright
I've been trying to buy Kasey flowers for years, but Tom has always gotten in the way. --Abinadi Ayerdis
You can't break the law. You can only break yourself against the law. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Ow, it stills hurts. You have bony, strong, powerful fingers. --Andrew Taylor
Sorry I'm barefoot. Beauty has a price, and I don't want to pay that price today. --Dorothy Holtz
Jalaine: Isn't that what Abinadi said?
Gavin: Abinadi...He says lots of things...
Let me tell you guys something that Rob did that... Rule: You should never do. And you probably never will because you're not idiots. --Kasey Wheeler
Kasey: I'm just trying to say these girls are pretty. Just look on the surface guys.
Abinadi: So now you want us to be superficial.
Love is dead. She's gone. Adios. --Gavin Gee
There is a state park near me who's website says "If an alligator goes after a fish you have caught, cut the line and let the alligator have the fish." It goes without saying that we need to put ourselves in a situation to have to make that decision. --Jesse Ormsby
I can't believe I'm not fired yet. So my boss came over and I asked him about our meeting at 5:30 and I asked, "Why is the meeting then and not now so we can go home?". He just looked at me and said, "It's noon". --Gavin Gee
I am not a judge!! I'm a winner!! --Gavin Gee
Stephanie: Where's Scott?
Gavin: He'll be back. He always comes back.
This dance is going to smack of Gavin's NI apathy. --Scott Gee
Gavin: When this is over, I need to talk to you about the dance. I might cancel it.
Scott: Like Christmas, Gavin?!!!
She's eighteen!! I don't care if she's good-looking, that does not transcend. She's eighteen!! Again I repeat, EIGHTEEN!! --Scott Gee
I mean, I'll be cheap, and I am cheap, but I cannot even begin to come close to Gavin Gee. We're talking a fifty cent alarm clock. --Scott Gee
Kasey. I love you like Gavin hates non-profit organizations. That's a lot of love. That is all. Tom --Tom Wright
And she's hot too. But she's not a member so forget about it. --Tahlia Holzworth
No, just me. You're going to Heaven. But only if you marry Molly. It's the only way. --Abinadi Ayerdis
I'll do it on behalf of you Gavin. I'll do anything to ruin your love life. --Scott Gee
When you ask them, they have to be fully engaged or else you lose the humor. Except in your case you weren't joking... --Scott Gee
Abinadi: So who are you gonna take to the dance?
Gavin: Oh that's right I've gotta think about that.
Abinadi: Oh yeah, we've got to make some bets.
Gavin: What bets? What bets?
Abinadi: Nothing. (2 seconds later on the phone with Kasey: Ferry's coming?!! Dang!! No, no, she's a sweetheart, I have nothing against her, but now I can't write about her on the board.)
Speaking of strategic exploitative relationships, I got Tahlia to come clean our apartment today. What did you do today, Scott? --Tom Wright
Austin: Doesn't the little blind go before the big blind? Or am I just maybe losing my mind? That rhyme...I didn't...uh...
Abinadi: You keep talking like Dr. Seuss, you're outta here.
I hate cats. They serve no purpose in the world. They aren't even part of the food chain. They should all die. If you see one, kick it. I just hate them so much. They're lazy animals who don't do anything, and you have to pay to feed them. They're not dogs. --Tahlia Holzworth
Rob: Hit 'em over the fence where they can't get 'em.
Arthur: I was holding back 'cause those were the only balls we had.
Rob: You have to be willing to lose to win.
Will a man rob God? Yet you have been robbed. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Now you wouldn't have any fun if you knocked me out with one hit. You'd still have 95% of your aggression left. --Matt Perrone
Rob: Why didn't you capitalize on that one?
Tom: It wasn't worth it.
Rob: It's always worth it.
...when flight or fight mode turns on, and you can't flight, so you'd better fight. --Kelly
Time is a continuum. You can do it later. --Jennifer Nation
I always take that fool to the airport. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Scott: While we're doing this we should think one step ahead. We should get some mouse traps. We never know what's going to happen. Maybe some beaver traps. Gavin, did you hear me? I'm just saying that we should take some preemptive measures. I mean, once you have mice, you have mice babies. Are mice mammals or rodents?
Jalaine: Rodents are mammals.
Scott: Really? That is so disturbing. I mean little rats suck on their mothers' teats? That is even more disturbing. How can you support the environment Jalaine?
Abinadi: I don't know if $300 is worth it for a dance-
Gavin: WHAT?!!! $300 for a dance? What are you-
Abinadi: I need you to calm down, and read the blog. Calm down. Just calm down. Read the blog.
Abinadi: That girl cannot be back from her mission! No, no!
Gavin: Put that in the blog.
Scott: Oh, the genuine lamentation in that comment!
Tom: If you had competition would you step up your game with her?
Gavin: Probably not. But I would think about it.
You're dating the wrong guys if you're wondering, "Is he trying to hold my hand?" during the movie. You should be thinking, "I really like making out with this guy" or, "I would really rather be watching this movie". --Tom Wright
Who did that to you? Was that on purpose? To yourself? --Old mentally handicapped man at work referring to my haircut
...I don't know if she wants to date people, and by people I mean me... --Scott Gee
What?!!! I can't add her!!! It's like some cruel trick! She wrote some macro, like, haha, I'll play with his mind! --Gavin Gee
Abinadi: You are so old.
Larissa: And you smell like a girl.
Larissa: I think my day is complete.
I mean that's kind of harsh, because you're valuing this girl from somewhere between zero and fourteen cents, that's her market value. --Scott Gee
Gavin: ...so you both have something in common...
Tom: We both like to kiss.
Gavin: ....don't build on that...
I'm probably the worst person to take dating advice from but I've dated more than you so you're the only person I can give this advice to. --Gavin Gee
Gavin: Did you see her at church today?
Andrew: Probably but I don't know.
Gavin: Did a girl walk by you that made you want to pass out 'cause she's so hot?
Gavin: Then you didn't see her.
Andrew: Looker, is that a bad connotation?
Gavin: No, not like a hooker, that's a bad connotation.
Tom: If you had kicked him would he have gone away or would he have attacked you?
Scott: That wasn't my concern, because if I had kicked him the hippies swimming in the adjacent pool would've attacked me. With a class action suit.
I saw you reach for the paper and thought, "Scott's going to write something spiritual." Then you gave it to the girl next to you. I should've known. --Tom Wright
I went to a baccalaureate service on Sunday, and one graduate got up to read a scripture. After about a line or so, he started over. Nobody thought it was a big deal, it was assumed that he lost his place. But when he came back to the point where he started over, he paused again a second time, thought for a second, and announced that he 'didn't know how to say that word' and just moved right on through. People laughed, but I think if they had cried it would've been more appropriate. They should have cried because this kid is graduating. They should've cried because this kid is the future in America. They should cry when they think about the fate of humanity. They should've cried because he can't read. I mean, seriously, he couldn't have run through the lines beforehand? He couldn't sound it out? He is graduating high school, probably hoping to get into college, and he can't read? I lament when I think of the fate of humanity. --Tom Wright
You never know what he's going to say. That's why I never ask him a question that I don't already know the answer to. --Abinadi Ayerdis
In order to get married sometimes you just have to throw reason out the window. --Michael Anderson
Look how pure she is!...And you hugged her! You compromised her virtue!! --T. Lewis, the great 20th century moralist --Scott Gee
Molly: I won't do your dishes unless we're married.
Tom: You'll do my dishes if we're married?
Molly: Well, not all the time.
Tom: Not all the time? Who else is going to do them? Will I have two wives?
Molly: No, you'll do them yourself.
Tom: I don't get it.
No I took out two. Then I got a primary calling. After I got the calling I'm thinking about putting them back in. --Katie Vaughan
Gavin: I tried to read "A Wrinkle in Time" but I put it...someone stole it.
Scott: If by stole it you mean I put it on the microwave...
My father passed away some time ago. If you had told him about the American Revolution two hundred years ago he would have said, "Yeah, I remember that." Two hundred years is not a long time in Iran. He would say, "My house is two hundred years old." --Ghanoonparvar
Molly: Gavin, why do you hate me?
Gavin: I don't, I was trying to stand up for you, but it's so hard.
It's like he tries to make every moment possible the most awkward moment of your day. He goes around planting seeds of awkwardness. It's like he's Johnny-Awkward-Seed. --Scott Gee
Looks come and go, but dumb lasts forever. --Abinadi Ayerdis
Sister Townsend: Who's coming?
Molly: My Uncle Bill.
Sister Townsend: UNCLE BILL?!!!
Molly: You know Uncle Bill?
Sister Townsend: Oh, I know Uncle Bill.
Molly: I don't like her.
Tom: You're a terrible person.
Molly: Yeah, I am a terrible person. But you're worse.
So you're dad comes to you and says, "I had a dream we need to go to the desert." You're gonna say to him, "I had a dream too, a tiger! It's gonna get me!" --Randall Wright
That other girl needs a husband, bad. --Randall Wright
Abinadi: You can only be so dumb and live.
Tom: That's the theory!! But they're everywhere!!
People think they have these deep impacting spiritual happenings, but really they just didn't sleep for 24 hours. --Tom Wright
Moral of the story: Don't go to Norway. Unless you get a mission call there. --Scott Gee
Tom: If I broke up with you right now, would you let me keep it?
(Molly passionately kisses Tom for a long time)
Molly: You don't want to break up with me.
What it do? Hey, you better answer me when I say, 'What it do?'. You better tell me what it's doing. --Austin Swafford
What we need to do is set up strategic exploitative relationships. --Scott Gee
is prettier than Spanish. And German. And Norwegian. --Tom Wright
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